Please don’t try to carry me; I would still tip you

The Nigerian service industry remains one fraught with all sorts of interesting fallouts, gaps and poor customer service. Those who have followed my writings know that I spend a copious amount of time and words on customer service. I also almost always let people know that Nigeria can be better if those in the service industry, hospitality, restaurants, airport counters etcetera were a little more circumspect, more conscientious and customer-centric.

So I am here again today to talk about a trend I have observed in the last couple of years. Oh, by the way, I am a gastronome: good food, good restaurant ambience, good waiters, etc. So I arrive at this restaurant in Lagos, and the waiters are swarming around my table. The same waiters who did not pay you any heed as you walked in are now asking you, “How are you enjoying your meal? Do you need anything?”

I am gobsmacked by the number of people who want to literally love me, carry me, ask me how I am doing when all I am trying to do is eat my food and enjoy every morsel of that amala and gbegiri in peace.

What is the meaning of “How is the food, ma?” In the middle of my gbegiri and trying to swallow my humble amala, a waiter is trying to choke me by asking, “Hope you are enjoying your food?” Madam, please leave me; let me eat in peace.”

But trust me, after Madam “Hope you are enjoying your food” has left, another waiter comes with, “How is your meal going?”

My answer is usually, “I am still eating; I cannot answer that question now.” In trying to give them attention, the hot Miango pepper from Jos in the juice of the gbegiri can go the wrong way. Please, Ma and Sir, waiters trying to impress, learn to let us eat first. I find that this dance of “Are you alright, ma?” and “Is there anything else you need?” is often used to position themselves for tips.

How many of them should I tip? The one who says, “Do you want a drink, ma?” Or the one who arranges the napkin on my table six times and adjusts the bottle of water twice. Let me be. I would still tip you. Don’t try to carry me, abeg.

Owners of restaurants and hospitality businesses should work on this because if this is overwhelming, we might stop visiting your restaurant. Invest in your waiters. Let them know we came to eat, NOT to be carried, and to eat in peace.