By Bunmi Sofola

As soon as Terry walked into his lavishly furnished home at his usual time of 8p.m. or thereabout, his wife was waiting for him.  His best food was kept hot in the food warmer, his favourite bottle of wine nesting in the fridge.  This was late last year when Covid-19 was virtually unheard of.

“Mide was here to see us,” Nina, his wife said after Terry’s had his meal.  “As a matter of fact, she left just before you came in.”  “Mide?  Who is Mide?”, she told him who Mide was.  “What was she doing out so late in the night”, Terry wanted to know.  “Shouldn’t she be in school?”

“She finished over two years ago at the university.  As a matter of fact, she is getting married and came to tell us specially before the cards are out.  She is now 25 years old”, Nina told her husband in her most patient voice.

“Already?”, Terry feigned surprise, “the last time I saw her, she was in secondary school.”  “Anyway, she wants you to be the chairman of the wedding”, continued his wife, “Chairman ke?”  Terry boomed.  “How many wedding receptions am I supposed to chair in a year?  I just did one last month.  Tell her to look for another sucker, you can tell her I wouldn’t be around on that day”.

“Actually”, Nina persisted “she’s left us to pick a day you’ll be free as the wedding date.  I don’t know why she’s bent on choosing you as the chairman.  If you’re not up to it, we could find a real excuse to let her down.”

Terry knew he’d gone too far.  Of course, he knew Mide would be in the house that day. The meeting had been well rehearsed between the two of them.  Not only was Mide, Terry’s girlfriend, so was her mother, and one of her sisters!  But Mide is the officially acknowledged ‘mistress’ by her mum and sister.

After grumbling a while further, Terry said, “I pretended to grudgingly agree to be the chairman at Mide’s wedding.  I had already paid for most of the things she would need and she had brought her fiancé to see me in my office.  The poor sucker was full of appreciation for all that I had done towards their having a successful wedding and to show how grateful he was, he prostrated, his chest touching the floor!  I’d already been introduced to him as Mide’s ‘uncle’.

“I smirked.  How many such gratitudes had I taken in the past from unsuspecting husbands-to-be, whom I was introduced to as an ‘uncle?’  And the poor chaps never suspect a thing.  Most of these “blushing brides,” I met through their mothers or older sisters.  As a result, we’ve all become firm family friends and even after the weddings, I still play my ‘uncle’ role.  I’m always there for them when the house keeping is short, when hospital bills couldn’t be met and even when the poor bride couldn’t get pregnant quickly enough.

“I don’t ask any questions and I don’t want to be lumbered with any paternity problems.  I love my wife and the home we’ve been able to create.  If it is within my means to make other young marriages stable, where is the harm?  I don’t want a second wife, all I want is to be the godfather of good marriages.  Even when our affairs get into the head of some of these “wives”, I have counselled them on the virtue of being tolerant, instead of being rebellious and lumbering me with unwanted responsibility.  I’m sure my wife suspects that these women mean more to me than mere acquaintances.  She has caught me a few times almost with my pants down.  She’s made the right noise but, she’s never threatened to leave.  I am a good husband and my children even relate to me better than they do to their mother, so why would she want to rock the boat?”

It is common belief these days that adultery no longer signified the end of a marriage.  It doesn’t even mean that a marriage is in trouble.  According to experts, “adultery falls into two categories.  There are those who cheat because there is something wrong in the relationship, and there are those who cheat because there is a fault within themselves.  If your partner falls into the first bracket, there is a good chance he won’t misbehave again, provided you identify and sort out your problems.”

“There may be times when an affair is a wake-up call”, says a psychologist, “it’s probably less to do with the other woman than with the state of your relationship.  In such cases, an affair fulfils a need that isn’t being met within the main relationship.  And for some people, it is easier to look outside their marriage for what they’re missing than to admit there are problems.

She explains: “your man feels he’s playing second fiddle to the kids, so he finds a woman who tells him he’s number one.  He feels you don’t appreciate his finer points, so he finds a woman who tells him he’s the best thing that has ever happened to her.

“Some people even use an affair as a strategy for maintaining their marriage.  It can be an act of preservation rather than distinction.  But, if the reasons behind the betrayal are more to do with your partner’s personality, you could be in trouble.

Some experts believe that this type of adulterer has a personality disorder, which means he will continue cheating no matter what.”

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